As Sick As Our Secrets Read online

  “Be careful, it’ll pass. They call this the honeymoon period,” she laughed. I loved the advice everyone gave me. It was always straight to the point even if I didn’t always like what I heard. Someone talked tonight about how her mother had just died and she hadn’t needed to take a drink to get through it. It was so reassuring to listen to the life problems that people were contending with and they weren’t drinking on them. I began to understand the language they used.

  I had been advised to get a sponsor, someone who could take me through the twelve step programme. I asked Joyce, and she agreed. I always felt comfortable around Joyce as I felt she didn’t judge me. She wasn’t there tonight. She had to pick someone up from the airport. I felt proud of myself coming along on my own. By the end of the meeting, I realised I hadn’t missed Jack. Well, not much.

  It always surprised me how quickly my mood changed though. By the time I got home and walked into my empty flat, I felt the loneliness hit me. I had good friends in my life but I pined for affection. I had been warned off men, and rightly so because my judgement wasn’t good. I’d made bad choices of partners in the past. I dabbled unsuccessfully with internet dating so wasn’t going to try that again. I had to resign myself to being alone for now but it wasn’t easy.

  The following morning it took me ages to get my act together. Still, in my pyjamas at eleven, I sat in the lounge staring out of the window. I picked up my mug of tea. It had gone cold. I often liked to go for a run in the mornings but hadn’t been out for ages. I had lost my motivation. I wanted my mojo back so decided today was the day to start getting fit and healthy again. The weather outside looked miserable but clear. I decided to wear my hoodie to be on the safe side.

  Opening the front door, I felt the cold crisp air hit me. I breathed in and let out a long sigh. It felt good to be alive. I walked a few steps forward then I glanced down and noticed the lace had come undone on my trainer. I bent down to tie it. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It made me jump. Still crouched on the ground, I twisted my head to see who it was. My stomach felt rock hard. I gulped and looked up.

  “Charlie!” I cried as I took in the sight of the bearded man hovering over me.

  “Shush, not so loud,” he whispered. His eyes darted around, observing, watching. I rose to meet him.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” His eyes were still searching around him.

  “Can we go inside?” He spoke in a quiet tone. My eyes scanned the scene. No one was about.

  “What do you want?” I asked as I turned the key in the lock. He remained silent until we were properly inside.

  “Can I crash at yours for a few hours? I’ve had no sleep and I’m desperate.” He did look a sorry sight.

  “But Charlie, I could still be charged with helping you. If the police find out, I’ll be locked up too.”

  “There’s no one knows I’m here, I promise and I just need a bite to eat if that’s okay.” I shook my head. I wasn’t happy about him staying but I didn’t have the heart to throw him out.

  “Listen, I’m going for my run. I’ll take as long as I can. You have a quick nap and grab something to eat. There’s bread to make a sandwich, but I want you gone by the time I get back.” My tone was stern.

  “Okay, I’ll do that Sophie and thanks.” He took hold of my hand and squeezed it. I looked him in the eye. I’d never noticed before just how long his eyelashes were. An unexpected sense of excitement came over me.

  “Right well I’m off. Remember, I don’t want you here when I get back.”

  “No, no, that’s fine,” he said as he walked towards my fridge.

  I ran by the river. A feeling of unease followed me. Why had Charlie come back? My limbs felt shaky. If I wasn’t careful, I might end up in more serious trouble than I was already. The police were still looking for Charlie. It was crazy of him to turn up at my place. I didn’t want that drama in my life anymore. I stopped for a breather. I had been running faster than usual. I dipped my head and rested my hands on my knees. As I stood back up, I decided to phone Joyce.

  I walked along to a bench close by. I no longer wanted to make decisions on my own in case they were the wrong ones. I took my phone out of my pocket and dialled her number. No reply. I grimaced and set off jogging again.

  I half-heartedly thought about phoning the police and telling them where Charlie was but something inside me stopped me from shopping him. I came away from the river where I had been running and turned into the road where my flat was. My phone started ringing. I glanced at the number. It was Joyce.

  I explained to her about Charlie. She now knew everything that had gone before. Her advice was to inform the police. I suspected she would say that. I decided to follow her suggestion and do it as soon as I got in. Turning the key in the lock, I was surprised to hear the radio on and Ricky Wilson’s dulcet tones piping through the air. Normally, I loved to listen to the Kaiser Chiefs but not today, in this situation. I frowned as I walked into the kitchen. Charlie sat there eating toast.

  “Charlie, what’s going on?”

  “Sorry, I fell asleep and just needed something to eat.”

  “Oh Charlie, you can’t stay here. It’s not safe.”

  “Aren’t you pleased to see me?” he laughed

  “Well I’m glad you’re okay but it’s too dangerous to be here now the police associate me with you.”

  “You might like to hear my news.” He sounded incredibly calm for someone on the run. I was in no mood to listen to him. I crossed my arms.

  “What news?”

  “I’ve spoken to Georgia. There’s something she’s holding back on, I’m sure.”

  “What makes you say that?” I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

  “I can just tell and did you know she knows my dad?”

  “No,” I said with my eyes and mouth wide open. “That is a surprise.” I pulled up a chair and slid it closer towards Charlie. “I’ll see if I can find anything out but you must go now. I’ve just spoken to my friend Joyce, and she’s advised me to call the police so I don’t get myself in more trouble.” Charlie looked upset.

  “Sophie, please don’t.”

  “Well, you better get going then.” Charlie continued to eat his toast with an air of defiance on his face. I cleared my throat and bit my fingernail. “Come on Charlie.”

  He remained seated. I pushed my chair back and stood up. The last thing I wanted was any confrontation with him. I still believed he was innocent but until the police did, I had to protect myself. I picked up my phone. Our eyes met. They were locked into a stare with each other. Charlie didn’t take his eyes off me but rose from his seat and quickly moved to grab the phone out of my hand.

  I reacted with speed and backed into the door behind me. I held the phone up by my head. Charlie grabbed hold of my arm. His body pressed against mine. He cupped my neck with his other hand. The adrenalin in my body felt like it would explode. My pulse quickened. He stood too close to me. Fear filled my body as I anticipated his next move.

  Our eyes remained locked on each other. I froze, unable to move. He tilted his head and began to kiss me. His lips were moist, and the sensation was so pleasurable, I couldn’t resist. He paused for a moment then began kissing my neck. The tingling of my nerve endings was like popping candy exploding in my mouth. Our tongues collided, and he greedily kissed me some more.

  Chapter 14

  SOPHIE

  I pulled away from the embrace with Charlie. My body wanted more but my head said no. Charlie took hold of my arms and drew me back into his body. I couldn’t resist. My skin tingled and my legs almost buckled. It felt so good to be in a man’s arms again. I wanted him more than anything at that moment but sirens were going off in my head. A thought came to me. It was something I heard at a meeting. “If you are doing something you don’t feel you can tell your sponsor then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.” I knew what Joyce would make of this. She would be horrified by my actions. I came to my senses.
/>   “Charlie, I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” I pushed him away. I expected him to complain but his face just looked sad.

  “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have done that. It was a mistake. I’ll go now.” He walked towards the door and opened it. I frowned. That wasn’t the reaction I expected.

  “Goodbye, Sophie. You won’t see me again.”

  “But Charlie, I…”

  “That’s what you want isn’t it, me out of your life?”

  “I, I don’t know. My mind’s all over the place at the moment.” I felt confused by his actions.

  Charlie gave me a look of disdain and walked out of the door. I stood there speechless with my mouth open. I hadn’t expected anything like that to happen. I felt I couldn’t phone the police now. I would just have to take my chance and hope they didn’t find out about Charlie’s visit.

  I almost changed my mind when I opened the fridge door. The expensive beef stroganoff ready meal that I’d purchased as a treat for myself from Marks and Spencers was gone. So was all my ham and cheese. I shook my head. Charlie was a rogue alright.

  I was curious what Charlie meant about his dad knowing Georgia so I decided I should go against my better judgement and investigate. If I couldn’t check out Randy, then maybe I could find out more about Trevor. It was time to pay Charlie’s mum and dad a visit. I was too nosey for my own good but I had to admit that being involved excited me.

  That night I went to my meeting. Joyce was there and so was Jack. I hadn’t had the chance to tell Joyce what happened earlier with Charlie. I needed to open up about how I was feeling because I was so confused. I had been flattered by Charlie’s actions yet deep down I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. Jack spoke very candidly to the group tonight. He talked about how he lost his job because of his drinking. I didn’t know how long ago that was but it looked like it still affected him.

  I fidgeted in my seat. The room was in silence so I decided to speak. I said I had done something I didn’t think was appropriate and that it could have been a lot worse. Joyce gave me a look. Maybe it was guilt, but I felt she could read into my soul. At the end of the meeting, she came up to me and asked if I needed to talk. We went for a coffee together after the meeting and I told her what had happened.

  When I finished speaking, she just nodded and told me I had done the right thing by being open. I wasn’t sure. I felt like a stupid young schoolgirl with their first crush. She reminded me that it was suggested I stay away from men. I felt like a naughty child being told off and it didn’t feel good. I still had a lot to learn and a long way to go.

  The following day, I called round to see Pauline and Trevor Darcy, Charlie’s mum and dad. I had spoken to them over the phone and without giving too much away had mentioned I may have news of interest to them about their son. I hoped their phone line wasn’t being tapped. I arrived at the address Pauline had given me.

  At first, I thought it was a mistake, the house was so grand but then I remembered Cassie telling me they were wealthy. It was a beautiful home set back off Ringley Road in Whitefield. I parked my car on the pavement outside the long drive. I didn’t want to get any closer. My car was too shabby for the opulent surroundings and I felt a tad ashamed of it.

  I buzzed at the external gates and gave my name. There was a click, and I pushed the gates open. The size of the property unnerved me. It felt like walking up towards Buckingham Palace. I was met at the front door by Pauline Darcy, Charlie’s mum. Her neat blonde hair looked as if it had been styled earlier that day. She wore a cream silk top with fitted cream trousers. The outfit was set off by a gold pendant.

  Glancing past her, I was taken aback by the grand staircase sweeping down into the hallway. I followed her in and was conscious of my shoes echoing as I tried to tiptoe over the marble tiles. Her expensive looking Kurt Geiger loafers made no sound as their soles met the surface. I tried to take in everything as I walked through. If I had been buying the place, I would be walking about saying wows and oohs at everything but under the current circumstances, I had to restrain myself. I liked Mrs Darcy’s taste though and felt very envious of her home. The whole place reeked of money. I had never been anywhere like it before.

  We walked through into one of the many rooms off the hall and a man appeared and picked up a set of keys off the side ready to go out. I introduced myself as Cassie’s therapist. Trevor shook my hand and in a loud voice apologised for having to leave. He collected a golf bag that was perched in the corner of the room. He looked very distinguished with his grey hair and tanned skin. His lemon Fred Perry jumper and grey chinos left me in no doubt as to where he was going.

  Pauline ushered me into the morning room. She shouted for the housekeeper Juanita, who she instructed to make us some tea and bring it through. Pauline sat down on one of the five sofas in the room and patted the seat next to her.

  “I’m sorry Trevor couldn’t stay but he has a prior engagement.” She smiled at me.

  “Oh that’s okay, Mrs Darcy, I’m just glad you could fit me in.” The housekeeper returned with a silver tray displaying a tea service and a plate of biscuits. Pauline thanked her then waited until she left the room. I watched her delicate movements as she poured the milk from a solid silver milk jug into the china cups. Her pale complexion made her look like a porcelain doll. She spoke softly, such a vast difference from Trevor’s manner and appearance. Her highlighted blonde hair curled naturally around her worried-looking face.

  Hidden beneath her expensive clothes, I wondered if she had ever known hard times. I glanced down at my shoddy jeans, feeling out of place next to this finery and opulence. Peering through the huge window at the other end of the room, instead of seeing the vast lawn outside with the tennis courts and swimming pool, I thought about what a job it would be for the window cleaner to tackle all that glass.

  “Please, call me Pauline. We’ve no airs and graces here. You might think it from the look of the house,” she waved an arm out, “but there’s nothing posh about us.” Her smile was wide.

  “It’s a lovely place you have here, Pauline.” I scanned around taking in the artwork and pottery on display together with the largest flower arrangement I have ever seen.

  “Thank you, darling. Now tell me how are you doing?”

  “I’m alright, Pauline, but more to the point, how are you?”

  She gulped, and her smile disappeared. “It’s been a very tough time. In truth, I can’t tell you how bad it’s been.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” I weighed up her reaction. I didn’t want to upset her unduly, but she ought to be told what Charlie had been up to.

  “Have you had any contact with Charlie?” I asked. She sighed deeply.

  “No, my darling, it is so worrying. The doctor’s put me on strong medication to get me through this.”

  “I mentioned over the phone I have news for you.”

  “Yes, you said, darling.” She looked apprehensive.

  “I’ve seen Charlie,” I said.

  “What? What do you mean?”

  “Well, it’s a long story. Basically, he got in touch with me because he says he is innocent and he wanted me to help him prove that.”

  “I see,” she said slowly, “and do you believe him?”

  “I do, I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t.” Pauline took hold of my hand.

  She wanted to know how Charlie was. I didn’t want to worry her, but it was hard to talk about him sleeping rough. I told her he got by as best he could.

  “It’s so good to know it’s not only me believes him.”

  “Sadly, the police seem to have a blinkered vision and don’t appear to be looking for anyone else other than Charlie as far as I’m aware,” I said.

  “I agree and that is why I’ve hired a private investigator myself.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, he’s due here in half an hour so I don’t want to rush you but...” She looked down at her gold Rolex.

  “No, I’ll be out of your way when I�
�ve finished my tea.”

  “Sorry, darling, I’m not trying to push you out. It’s just that I invited him round at a time when Trevor would be out. Trevor sadly is in agreement with the police and believes that Charlie is guilty.” She gazed out of the window with a sad expression on her face.

  “That must be difficult for you. Has it affected your relationship with Trevor?” I asked. Her body drooped, and she stared down at her wedding ring. She began twirling it around with her other hand.

  “We’re like ships that pass in the night. Trevor has his life and I have mine. We’ve become virtual strangers.”

  “Oh dear and has this all happened since Charlie’s been on the run?”

  “No, it’s been going on for a long time. Trevor likes to work and play hard. His haulage company keeps him busy of course and not that he’s a big drinker, but he’s out every night, mainly down at the Con club. When he’s not there, he’s at Stand golf club.”

  “Don’t you ever join him?”

  “No, I’m not really one for socialising. I sometimes wonder how we’ve stayed together so long, we’re so different.”

  “Don’t you go out much?”

  “I’ve a couple of friends I meet for lunch or go shopping with, but that’s it. I’m more of a home bird.”

  “Did you know Cassie well, Pauline?”

  “I don’t want to speak ill of the dead but she wasn’t right for Charlie. In fact, the pair of them brought out the worst in each other.”

  “What do you mean?” Pauline’s expression changed, and she looked at her watch.

  “I believe the expression is, Cassie had issues, and they knew how to rub each other up the wrong way.”

  I nodded. She glanced at her watch again.

  “I’m sorry, Sophie. I’m going to have to ask you to leave now. My next appointment is due.

  I frowned. Had I overstepped the mark, being too inquisitive? I liked Pauline, but I did feel she had her guard up around me. I finished my drink and glanced down at the mess on my knee. I brushed the crumbs from the chocolate biscuits I had consumed onto the small plate I’d been given and wiped my mouth with the serviette.